I think yesterday was a pretty good chat - and pretty necessary. Went out for lunch with Ben, talked shit over.
Things that come out of it - I want to research the experience of DMT. I don’t know why I want to be doing that, but I think it’s important. For Ben, he thinks that if play comes first, he doesn’t need to ask why he is doing a particular thing. It’s play.
I think Love is probably closest to that goal for me, most things I do are acts of that, I just want to experience that in return for sending it out. (Mon 23 edit - Prob wrong way of looking at it.)
Regardless, I think the DMT experience has meaning for me. Perhaps it’s in the confrontation of your own weaknesses/darknesses. For Amber Lyon (http://podcasts.joerogan.net/podcasts/amber-lyon) it was an experience of realising she had anxiety - it was spray painted in large letters across her field of view, by these beings. Perhaps it wasn’t a realisation, but a confirmation.
I have many and varied weaknesses. At lunch we talked about how my overcorrection of language with my partner is one. I am a terrible teacher, and am too blunt and brutal. This manifested itself in the car to work the other day, and I found everything I was saying, no matter how clerical I tried to be, just resulted in more upsetting moments. Perhaps I wasn’t as clerical as I thought I was being.
YOU FUCKING MONSTER.
Something said over lunch. This is a product of limitation of action, and possibly a good thing to make/interactively investigate. It could be:
- A Little Girl in front of you. Nothing else. She is abstract, and exhibits no emotion. Saying anything to her will make her afraid and feel worse. Mic symbol pops up when you are talking. If you leave her alone and shut up she returns to idle. Saying anything makes her scared. (Typing anything)
Notes on the Persona.
“If one has experiences that are not culturally
sanctioned, one is more likely to experience some kind of distress and feelings
of isolation. Transient distress can lead ultimately to personal growth and positive transformation"
(Ayahuasca and Spiritual Crisis: Liminality as Space for Personal Growth)